10 Cool But Extremely Slow Cars For Sale In 2023

Looking for a car that can dominate the straights? You're better off staying away from any of these ones.

In times when cars are adopting literal golf-ball-like aero, those who make a name for themselves for being on the other end of the spectrum are not precisely given that much love. In all fairness, though, mass-production cars today serve a main purpose: to satisfy their customers with a car they can feel happy driving. For some, that happiness comes solely from speed and specs. For a great chunk of society, though, a car purchase decision comes down entirely to its use case. And that usefulness doesn't always come by the hand of crazy speed.

Unless a car is a true sleeper, chances are, you're looking at a car that appears to be slow, and then it is. Outside track-focused, offroad monsters, street cars and trucks are quite standard: they are good at carrying people from point A to point B, with or without extra equipment, and they do fairly well in sales.

So, to provide useful advice as to where — maybe — not to gravitate towards when thinking of a current-year automobile, here are 10 cool yet very slow cars and SUVs on sale today. Quick warning: you're not going to be winning any races with these.

We've put together this list according to the 0-60 times provided by Zeroto60times. Further performance data was taken from sites like CARHP and Edmunds.

The sixth generation of CR-Vs landed on the market this year. It also opens up our list of slow cars. Although comfortable to ride, tech-filled, and with a spacious cabin according to Edmunds, Honda's compact crossover doesn't precisely have a supercar-like knack for speed. In fact, it goes from 0 to 60 in a pretty standard 7.6 seconds. Props to it, though, for it falls behind rides like the 2011 BMW 320D M Sport by only 0.2 seconds.

0-60 MPH

7.6 seconds

Top Speed

115 mph

Curb Weight

3,926 lbs

Horsepower

204 hp

Torque

247 lb-ft

Layout

Front mounted, AWD, Hybrid

The 2023 CR-V saw a complete exterior redesign. This is good, considering its top speed was elevated to triple digits. No, this isn't a joke: the 2022 CR-V had a top speed of just 86 miles per hour. Still, buffed and all, this little crossover might just simply not be the right choice for a gearhead, even if it is only at the bottom of our list.

Related: Can You Turn A $300 Honda CR-V Into A $3,000,000 Pagani Huayra?

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An edition so special it's designed to be exhibited in a car show rather than driving it around. And that's because the 17-inch bronze-colored alloy wheels, the "TOYOTA" spelling on the grille instead of the characteristic logo, and the little cosmetic details that tell the others you've acquired a limited run of the 4Runner signifying 40 years of the model on the market, don't really help with straight-line performance all that much.

0-60 MPH

7.9 seconds

Top Speed

113 mph

Curb Weight

4,675 lbs

Horsepower

270 hp

Torque

278 lb-ft

Layout

Front-mounted, 4WD

All of this is not meant to discourage a potential buyer to get their hands on a Special Edition — actually, the design is really attractive. With sharp lines like those of the modern years of Toyota, 9.6 inches of ground clearance, and a 4.0-liter V6, this truck is sure to be an absolute monster off-road. Just, know when and where to brag about it, and granted, he who is behind the wheel shouldn't be very full of themselves right before the green traffic light.

With 7 seats and a claimed 22 miles per gallon in the city, the 2.4-liter turbo 4-cylinder positions itself as a solid choice for those who need something a bit more powerful and capable for a daily. The Highlander XSE offers to be a great companion in the urban areas, as much as the not-so-urban ones. This special trim of the Highlander even comes with a 'snow mode' for those slippery days of December. It comes standard with traction to the front wheels, but Toyota offers to swap it for a Dynamic Torque Vectoring AWD system. That's just a fancy way of saying torque is sent to each of the four wheels in different amounts to improve traction, as opposed to splitting it equally.

0-60 MPH

8.0 seconds

Top Speed

118 mph

Curb Weight

4,221 lbs

Horsepower

265 hp

Torque

310 lb-ft

Layout

Front-mounted, FWD

Aggressive-looking and sport-tuned, this SUV still doesn't have the most impressive of specs, capping out at under 120 mph and after a zero-to-sixty run of 8 seconds flat. Granted, its horsepower and torque figures will help you out where the terrain is uneven and unforgiving — and for that, you're better off choosing the TV-AWD traction — but as far as the straights go, the Highlander XSE might be better off set aside.

The unmatched luxury and comfort of Lexus are something everyone has to try at least once in their lives. Nowadays, the high-class brand is focused on city cars, providing awe-inducing machines which can, and will, turn heads anywhere they go. There's something so captivating about the pointy lines Lexus has based their looks upon.

0-60 MPH

8.2 seconds

Top Speed

112 mph

Curb Weight

3,483 lbs

Horsepower

181 hp

Torque

139 lb-ft

Layout

Front-mounted, AWD, Hybrid

Actually, the UX 250h has speed gauges inspired by the legendary LFA. Quite ironic for a car whose 0-60 run is nearly five entire seconds slower. But, it does offer the resemblance of an LFA on the inside for around six percent of the price, so there's that. The UX line is all-hybrid now, so we can forgive the lack of impressive speed-related specs in the name of fuel efficiency. The UX 250h F-Sport offers an outstanding 41 miles per gallon. Pair this with a quiet and smooth cruising ride, and one can start to understand what its customers are looking for. Neat.

A comfy and spacious Subaru is, perhaps, one of the wonders of life. Once you get to understand what the brand offers with its models, things change for the better. The Outback is one of those cars that have made themselves a spot on the market (and in the hearts of people) because of how well of an all-rounder they are. It's an iconic wagon – not too large, but also not small – with a warm and inviting cabin, lifted from the ground but not too much, with not-overwhelming towing action. Also, its design hasn't really changed all that much since the first 'Legacy' iteration that made it so great back in the '90s, so, props to Subaru.

0-60 MPH

8.6 seconds

Top Speed

117 mph

Curb Weight

3,781 lbs

Horsepower

182 hp

Torque

176 lb-ft

Layout

Front-mounted, AWD

Speed-wise, though, the Outback Touring is no wonder. With a 0-60 time of 8.6 seconds and a top speed limited to 117 mph, it's most likely much better at performing several off-road tasks than taking turns through the apex and exiting with grace. After all, this is a family wagon, and as such it knows its place in the market very well. So well in fact, that this year's Outback is a part of the sixth generation of the Subaru classic.

Related: These Are The Best Fifth-Gen Subaru Outback Trims To Buy Used

This one you might not even recognize as a CR-V at first glance. Truth to be told, the sixth-gen design of one of the most iconic crossovers of the past decades differs quite a bunch from its predecessors. It literally grew up. The current CR-V's wheelbase is just 7 inches shorter than that of its bigger brother, the Honda Pilot. That alone makes a whole different sensation when onboarding one. And about one of the few new sensations.

0-60 MPH

8.7 seconds

Top Speed

121 mph

Curb Weight

3,612 lbs

Horsepower

190 hp

Torque

179 lb-ft

Layout

Front-mounted, AWD

This Honda is spectacularly average if we look at it under the speed-devoted eye. For all things city and daily, it might just be the way to go. A tough body structure, sound-proof cabin, and stiff suspension, all help build an automobile that is now more of an SUV than it is a crossover, all things considered. Perfect for a family of four/five. Not ideal for someone who loves throttle-responsive cars.

We're entering the 9-second zone here. And its fastest competitor is this one: the Niro SX Touring Hybrid. The Niro is a small crossover designed for the city. It's bigger than a car, that's for sure, but at the end of the day, it won't get you out of trouble. It is to be noted, though, that Kia's cutting-edge designs are truly ahead of the race right now, making use of very interesting futuristic light placements, wheel spoke designs, heated steering wheels, wireless phone charging, and more.

0-60 MPH

9.1 seconds

Top Speed

106 mph

Curb Weight

3,071 lbs

Horsepower

139 hp

Torque

195 lb-ft

Layout

Front-mounted, FWD + Parallel Hybrid

With a claimed city estimate of 53 miles per gallon and a tank capable of carrying 11.1, it'll be a long way before you have to stop by any gas station. This car is not for speed lovers, though, and you'll be able to sing your favorite Pop chorus before you get to 60 miles per. Top that with the fact the Niro is home to only 139 combined ponies, and it's evident this car should only be left to the pros – those who can hop on any car and, regardless of brand and model, don't feel the need to try out the whole speedometer.

An SUV tailored a bit more for the offroad than its colleague just mentioned in the entry above, the Sportage X-Pro Prestige brings all the tech stuff of the Niro over to the countryside, minus the hybrid bit. With 8.3 inches of ground clearance, multi-terrain drive modes, and forward collision avoidance assist, this one you can put under a bit more pressure. Pair that with the fact that it comes with 24 extra mph to spare than its little brother, and it starts to become interesting. Unfortunately, to get to that top speed you'll first have to drive through the 9.3 seconds it takes to get in motion to 60 miles per hour.

0-60 MPH

9.3 seconds

Top Speed

130 mph

Curb Weight

3,543 lbs

Horsepower

187 hp

Torque

178 lb-ft

Layout

Front-mounted, AWD

Like the above-mentioned Subaru Outback, the Kia Sportage has been around since the nineties. Unlike the Outback, though, the Sportage has seen a ton of changes during its life. Most notably, going into the second generation around 2004, its platform was changed to that of the Hyundai Tucson, therefore changing the Chinese-like appearance it used to have and going for a rounder look from all angles. Then into the third generation, it saw yet another cosmetic change, undergoing an exterior redesign. Then into the fourth and the fifth... At the end of the day, it's an SUV that can't be easily pinpointed if you don't know how the current year one looks. One thing is true, though: this year's Sportage looks daringly beautiful.

Related: Honda CR-V Vs Kia Sportage: Pricing, Features, And Specs Compared

The HR-V EX-L is slow enough to bring the silver home. With a 0-60 time of 9.8 seconds, by the time you're happily cruising at 61 mph, six of the ten fastest cars of this year will have already run the quarter mile. One very cool thing about it, though, is that it was awarded a 'TOP SAFETY PICK+' rating from the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS) in the past year.

0-60 MPH

9.8 seconds

Top Speed

116 mph

Curb Weight

3,276 lbs

Horsepower

158 hp

Torque

138 lb-ft

Layout

Front-mounted, AWD

The amount of tech inside plus its exterior design make it a fairly appealing compact SUV out there on the market. Sure, it doesn't have any properly outstanding features, but it does its job very well: to ensure a comfortable ride for all passengers, plus their cargo.

Contrary to what may have seemed obvious, the first spot is not a heavy truck or an SUV. It's as far from an SUV as it can be. We can't be angry, though, for the Nissan Versa is widely known and praised for its fuel efficiency. On the highway, the Versa can cover 40 entire miles on one gallon of fuel if equipped with a continuously variable transmission (CVT) instead of the manual — don't panic: the SR trim comes only with the CVT. Even though in the city that number descends to 32 mpg, it doesn't cease to be, at least, very respectable.

0-60 MPH

10.0 seconds

Top Speed

115 mph

Curb Weight

2,690 lbs

Horsepower

122 hp

Torque

114 lb-ft

Layout

Front-mounted, FWD

With an acceleration one can't help but resort to calling "sluggish," by the time you hit 60 miles an hour, you would've aged 10 seconds. An 8-inch touchscreen, heated front seats, and a 1.6-liter DOHC 4-cylinder engine are the core features of the Versa SR you can find on the market this year. With a top speed of 115 miles per hour, its 0.288 drag coefficient will help much more on the money side of things than it will do the whole going fast story. Like the rest of the list, the Versa is a car offering a modern, fuel-efficient daily driver, much more than it is a beast to redline at the straights.

With a strong passion for the automobile world since he was a child, Felipe, a music producer and DJ, has grown to love cars big and small. He loves mid-2000s Audis as much as he loves writing, and it's his dream to have an A4 for a daily one of these days. He also works as an Editor and Writer at EDMTunes, covering the latest happening in the Electronic Music industry.